I was diagnosed with infertility in my mid-twenties and knew that if I ever wanted to have children, it would require medical intervention. Having children was always a huge life goal of mine and I decided that, given my infertility issues, I would rather pursue treatments sooner rather than later. In June 2014, I started going to the fertility clinic and began my efforts to become a single mom by choice. After 5 IUIs, I moved onto IVF and it worked the first try,  bringing me my son, Shepherd in June 2018.

 

I desperately wanted Shepherd to have a sibling, so I pursued another round of IVF, and it again, worked right away. This time, I had a baby girl, Sadie, born in June 2020.

 

After having Sadie, I was extremely weak and was not healing properly. I ended up finding out that the doctor did not remove all of the placenta during my c-section and that I would have to have a D&C to have it removed.

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Fast forward two months, I was a single mom of two and it was the height of the pandemic. I was lonely being home alone for so long, but I loved my two babies. I ended up downloading some games on my phone to occupy the time, and I met James.

 

James and I would message back and forth for hours every day and ended up discovering that we lived fairly close to each other. Long story short, James and I got engaged 8 months later and got married in December 2021. James stepped in as dad to my two small children, and took our last name, making us the Zeilenga family of 4.

 

James desperately wanted to have a baby, since he missed out on the newborn experience with our two children; and I wanted to be able to experience having a baby with a partner. We transitioned back into IVF very quickly, assuming it would work right away, like it did previously.

 

We ended up discovering that my D&C after Sadie's birth left me with severe uterine adhesions. Over the past three years, I've had 14 different procedures in efforts to have another baby.

 

We were finally successful with our 6th embryo transfer in July 2023 and were pregnant with a baby boy, but I miscarried. I got pregnant again with another baby boy in November 2023, and we were thrilled. I made it into the second trimester and all was well, until we went into an elective ultrasound "just for fun" and discovered that our baby had passed away, yet again.

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After years of treatments, I am tired. My doctor says that if I continue, we have a 20-30% chance of complications and I would be risking my life. As of March 2024, the formal recommendation we have received is to pursue surrogacy.

 

It's hard to just stop and have a negative end to our story. We've fought for years, I've sacrificed my body, we've spent thousands upon thousands, only to be left with the grief of losing our two sons.

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I am a part of a wonderful community, both on Tiktok and in my real life. I love so many people, and I know that people love me. We are humbly asking for help in completing our journey in a positive way.

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If you read all of that, thank you so much. 

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-Holly